The show “Meeting in Dialogue” was hosted by Ms Blaženka Jančić on 2nd of May 2022, on the Second Program of Croatian Radio. It started at 8.10 and finished at 8.50 AM. Next day it was broadcasted on the 4th Program of Croatian Television.
Guests were Dr. Aleksandra Korać Graovac, the Head of the Department of Family Law of the Faculty of Law in Zagreb, who is also a member of the Central European Professors’ Network, religious teacher Nikola Kuzmičić at the Gymnasium “Tituš Brezovački in Zagreb” and mother of five daughters, librarian at the Upper Town Gymnasium in Zagreb, Ms. Zrinka Brigić.
The show started with statement that is difficult to be a parent nowadays because there are so many challenges. Family perceptions are changing, and family may not always be such as it used to be.
Prof. Korać Graovac pointed out that parents will best pass on their value system to children through upbringing if they give them a good example, that is, when they are authentic. She spoke that members of a family spend too little time together, the way of life in the family changes, and the perception of the family changes. Children spend more and more time in educated institutions, and parents at work long hours.
On the one hand, international documents clearly emphasize the right of parents to freely decide on the upbringing and education of their children. Hence, parents do not have enough time for family life. There is a huge social pressure emphasizing that we are a secular society, so religious content is expelled slowly. Tensions arise, and therefore parents need to be aware of their rights. When asked by a journalist what the situation in Central European states is, prof. Korać Graovac explained that the situation is similar, that there is an effort to remove religious content from the educational and generally public space. As an example of resistance to religious symbols, she cited the example of a neighbouring state, the Italian case of Lautsi v. Italy, a case that was conducted because of opposition of displaying the cross in primary Italian schools.
European Court of Human Rights accepted that a state’s duty to respect the religious and philosophical convictions of parents not only applies to the content of teaching and the way it is provided but also the organisation of the school environment, including whether crucifixes should be present in classrooms. For the majority of the Court the decision whether crucifix should be present in classrooms was, in principle, a matter falling within the margin of appreciation of the state, particularly where there was no European consensus.
Prof. Korać Graovac emphasized that there are also children of atheists schools, that this is another side of the problem, and that their parents also have the right to freely decide on education of their children according their philosophical convictions. Their rights should be protected as well.
In states like Hungary and Poland, there is a strong emphasize on the protection of the rights of parents toward negative influences in public space.
There are several social environments where children should be protected: education, media – where situation is a little bit better, as there are national and EU regulations. Control is the weakest when children are using social network – parents are not informed enough and there is not effective legal regulation. In school, children are exposed to various facilities, but there is an international instrument: the rights of parents under the Convention on Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms, Protocol 2, which gives parents the right to influence the upbringing and education of their children in accordance with their religious and philosophical beliefs.
Religious teacher, Mr. Kuzmičić, pointed out that children recognize values well, that values are always among us and it is important that parents are authentic when raising children. He talked about how well children recognize hypocrisy, so if parents want to transmit values, they primary must live according to these values. Children need to be approached in a modern way because the perception of life in young people has changed, so it is important to find a language that is understandable to young people to help them find the right values.
Mr. Kuzmičić talked about his experience with young people, who are blessing and open to values – they are sincere and open-minded, so adults may learn a lot from them as well.
Teacher and librarian, Ms. Brigić talked about her experience as a mother of five children, and pointed out that every child is different, so the most important thing is to let the child to find the faith for him/herself. Parents have to prepare the soil for semen of faith, that is placed in each of us.
Each child has its own way, sometimes parents feel that they are without success, but wheat raises also in winter, although it is not visible.
Host, Ms. Blaženka Jančić, asked prof. Korać Graovac how state can protect families? She asked about measure that has recently been ceased and disputed in Zagreb, concerning financial support of so called “parent-educator”. Namely, the City of Zagreb had a project that supported mothers of three and more children to stay at home and take care of them, and new city governor stopped it that caused initializing some judicial procedures of users of this measure due to alleged violation of acquired rights.
Prof. Korać Graovac answered that the role of state might be huge, because it must make easier the burden of employment for mothers, especially concerning the balance between job and homework. It is important for child to watch his or her parent going happy to work, it shows honesty of parent as a participating member of society also in the working field. Concerning the decision of the Administrative Court to proclaim the interim measure, enabling parents to enjoy benefits of measure “parent-educator”, prof. Korać Graovac expressed satisfaction due to respect of rule of law and protection of their beneficiaries.
Ms. Brigić answered that she did not want to use this measure, as she wanted to work, at least part time, as she was afraid if she would be able to find the job again.
Prof. Korać Graovac answered the question, do various institutions do enough for parents, to help them, pointing out that there is never enough. She stressed that women are not in equal position as men – they are extremely important for very young children, but it is difficult to find a proper job again, if they don’t work too long. Fathers are also so important, but not role of mother is special.
It is important that parents are active as parents’ representatives in school councils, that they take part in public discussions when school curriculum is proposed by Ministry, etc. As one of problems, she explained that in a local school one of parents were against that during “Bread Days” a priest in school blesses bread, and that the school director decided not to invite him at all. Several parents expressed that they would like to have the presence of the priest and offered some proposals that this act harms nobody’s feelings and beliefs. Situation concerning covid, social distancing policy, prevented further escalation.
Prof. Korać Graovac stressed that it is necessary that state protects the rights of their citizens, including parents, so there are movements, like these of Central European Professors’ Network, where different legal systems and approaches are compared, so it is possible to choose one that suits to society best. Anyway, it is the basis of each democratic society to respect human rights of parents.
It is also important to know that there is also the right of the child to freedom of religion or belief. Sometimes it can be even dangerous for some child (there were cases when such “freedom” and choice of religious group ended lethally). So, it is important for parents to have time to spend with their children, to stay by them and guide them. On the other hand, if a child wants to change his/her faith, both parents must give their written consent.
Listener gave some comments, offering their private experience on religious upbringing of their children.
Participants also concluded that nuclear families sadly excluded relatives, especially grandparents from everyday contacts. Changing social family patterns, made upbringing of children more difficult than before.
Prof. Aleksandra Korać Graovac at the very end expressed the opinion that family is more important than educational institution and that some parents expect too much from schools as educators, as the excuse when they did not manage to fulfil their parental role in upbringing of their children child.
Broadcast finished with poem of Khalil Gibran, Lebanon poet, cited by Mr. Kuzmičić:
„And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.“
